"You Can't Handle The Truth!" or Just Dancin' To The Humpty Hump

These past few months I find my mind wandering around with certain thoughts that keep me restless from sun rise to past zenith- restless where sleep is deprived of me. Not so much as an aimless wander as if trapped in an ever changing labyrinth, nay, but a wandering of such with an aim guided by series of what seems like interrogations at a simple thought. Perhaps I shall change the word 'wander' in exchange for 'wrestle'-just for this moment- yes, wrestle: Surely my mind has been wrestling causing me to be restless (wrest- and rest-, eh eh? ...nvm). Ahem. But for what? Before I dive into many nachos too deep to comprehend, I shall give a premise to put your mind at ease from this mental jargon.

Here it is: Predestination vs. Free-will, or, Predestination vs. Divine Election (that should be MORE than enough for a premise); Logic vs. Absolutism; Logical vs. Plausible; The Doctrine of Repentance, of Regeneration; and I shall stop there before you think my mind has fallen into a frenzy, in which, I would not disagree with you if you would think so.

For what? Because I want to know. For I have been taught and so I have believed; however, some kind of impulse within me begs the questions, "Why do I believe? What reasons can I give for the things in which I believe?" This impulse so familiar, so innate that I am not just acquainted, rather, I am intimate with it as the murdered is with it's murder weapon. Impulse. I shall name it something. She will be called Desire in all respect.

Desire is she who guides my mind in it's wandering on her Riverboat of Questions finding rest, or lack thereof, at the Dock of Answers. I could only hope that I am on a stream of the river that will lead me to moist earth- preferably- to find tranquility and peace of mind; however, if it be that the stream may lead me to a vast ocean, I may conclude that Desire hath still brought me to a place of tranquility and peace of mind. How so? On the former side, Desire has been appeased with an answer and so follows my mind. On the latter side, I understand that some mysteries remain unrevealed and are only revealed in the age to come- Heaven- and this brings me comfort. What have I to lose? I find the only difficulty in all of this is, "How long is the river that Desire rows me through and does she tire not?" For I get weary.

Enough with the allegory.

There are people who are so desirous to know an answer and with all their tenaciousness will hop on board a riverboat as on a journey; notwithstanding that the end of the river is unknown, they simply row on. Many people know me and how opinionated I can be. Call me an arrogant bastard if you want; regardless, I'll do my best to articulate with gentleness and listen with humility. The reason for that is simply because I want to know. Maybe not to the extreme of these 'desirous people', but enough to simply get my mind around a series of Q & A's. Simply. That word seems so alien to me at this present moment. The very reason why (if you've read down this far) I went off on this mental jargon is simply this:

I feel that the thought process of my mind has become so complex, that I have lost the beauty in simplicity. Complex as in because of this desire to know what, or Whom, it is that I study, I find myself in frustration and restlessness; nevertheless, I am comforted and blessed at the discoveries of this knowledge-for knowledge is precious if applied and not idle- and this makes me want to know more (of Him and His Word). And the cycle goes on. However, as of this moment, being so wearied from the premise, I wonder at the blissfulness of ignorance: simply, not knowing and what calm it would bring to which I perceive that this 'wonder' flows against the knowledge of the Lord that I continue to receive- for He is infinite and so good as to reveal Himself to me in grace- which has burned within me this desire to progress and grow in love for the Lord God TO WHICH NOW I will say to blissful ignorance:

To hell with you.